The Dishwasher

www.goodaboom.com

I'm happy to help around the house. As Miki, she'll tell you, I'll cook, clean, all that stuff. I'll even do the dishes, by hand, in the sink. But there's one thing I just don't do. I do not open the dishwasher and put stuff in, or take stuff out. I never had a dishwasher before see, and I'm not really comfortable with them. I know they're fantastic labour saving devices and all that, it's just.....I'm a little coy around them, shall we say.
That's coy as in shy, not koi as in expensive japanese fish. I've never been one of those. That would be just silly.

I decided I needed to invent a cover story for my profound neglect in the dishes department, so I came up with this poem by way of an explanation. There's an illustration, too. I'm seeing the therapist next week.

The Dishwasher

So, I'm stood there in your kitchen
With the detritus of dishes from the day
And as I ponder how to clean those nasty stubborn stains
I sense a voice and turn to hear you say

"You can put them in that cupboard,
For a washer it conceals,
But take care to never open when its on,
For who can know who does the dishes
And what horror it reveals
If you try to open when the light is on?"

So, this piqued my curiosity, and at the witching hour
Decided to investigate this claim
With a teetering pile of crockery resembling the Sears tower
I opened, loaded, closed it up again.

Now, 30 minutes in, the cycle building to a roar
I lost the will to sit it out and wait
With a sharp intake of breath, I reached, and, opening the door
Prepared to meet my culinary fate...

The plates flew thick and fast, some saucers hit me, some flew past
But in the maelstrom of the bubbles there appeared
A horrendous yellow goblin with a scourer and a sponge
And a little bit of food stuck in his beard

He leapt upon my neck, and razored teeth began their work
And as my head came off, the last thing I had seen
Was the little yellow fellow quietly mopping up the mess
So, though I'm dead, at least I'm scrupulously clean.

Kev Moore 03/03/06