sábado, 10 de marzo de 2007

Take the Palm Tree

www.goodaboom.com

It's been a windy couple of days. I know what you're thinking....it's all to do with that Chicken Curry I made the other night. Well you'd be wrong (apart from that incident in the supermarket) it's been blowing a gale here in Albir recently, for up to 14 hours at stretch, and the old Palm tree's taking a bit of a battering. We've discussed getting it removed before, of course. (I'm trying to convince Miki that we need to replace it with a Jacuzzi)I think it's time has finally come. The leaves die off with monotonous regularity, and the more it grows, the harder it is to reach them and cut them down. It's a fairly unpleasant task, not to say precarious. Some time ago, I committed my thoughts on this problem to a poem, spurred on by revelations at the time of Keith Richards' celebrated plummet from one such tree.
For your delight, (With Painting from Miki, naturally!)I present;

Take the Palm Tree


Take the Palm tree, there's a thing
The pleasure that a Palm tree brings
Stunning just to look a upon
Its branches shield us from the sun

But try to trim one - Jesus Christ!
Just leave it mate, that's my advice
The little hooks will tear your flesh
At worst, they'll gash you, then infest..

..your skin,with tiny little bits
That make you squirm and scratch and itch
There is another type though, but
Concussion via a coconut
Is all you'll get for trying to
Expand your Palm tree point of view

Just ask Keith Richards, he will say
A Palm tree didn't make his day
He nearly ended up in traction
I'd hardly call that Satisfaction

So if you're an arborealist
I beg you, no, you must desist
And if you come to view my trees
Just take the Palm tree,
Take it, please!

Kev Moore 04/06/06

martes, 6 de marzo de 2007

The Dishwasher

www.goodaboom.com

I'm happy to help around the house. As Miki, she'll tell you, I'll cook, clean, all that stuff. I'll even do the dishes, by hand, in the sink. But there's one thing I just don't do. I do not open the dishwasher and put stuff in, or take stuff out. I never had a dishwasher before see, and I'm not really comfortable with them. I know they're fantastic labour saving devices and all that, it's just.....I'm a little coy around them, shall we say.
That's coy as in shy, not koi as in expensive japanese fish. I've never been one of those. That would be just silly.

I decided I needed to invent a cover story for my profound neglect in the dishes department, so I came up with this poem by way of an explanation. There's an illustration, too. I'm seeing the therapist next week.

The Dishwasher

So, I'm stood there in your kitchen
With the detritus of dishes from the day
And as I ponder how to clean those nasty stubborn stains
I sense a voice and turn to hear you say

"You can put them in that cupboard,
For a washer it conceals,
But take care to never open when its on,
For who can know who does the dishes
And what horror it reveals
If you try to open when the light is on?"

So, this piqued my curiosity, and at the witching hour
Decided to investigate this claim
With a teetering pile of crockery resembling the Sears tower
I opened, loaded, closed it up again.

Now, 30 minutes in, the cycle building to a roar
I lost the will to sit it out and wait
With a sharp intake of breath, I reached, and, opening the door
Prepared to meet my culinary fate...

The plates flew thick and fast, some saucers hit me, some flew past
But in the maelstrom of the bubbles there appeared
A horrendous yellow goblin with a scourer and a sponge
And a little bit of food stuck in his beard

He leapt upon my neck, and razored teeth began their work
And as my head came off, the last thing I had seen
Was the little yellow fellow quietly mopping up the mess
So, though I'm dead, at least I'm scrupulously clean.

Kev Moore 03/03/06

sábado, 3 de marzo de 2007

The "Make-do" Culture

www.goodaboom.com

Don’t get me wrong. I love living in Spain, and I’m not one of those Brits who expects everything to be home from home, like those bloody awful advertising hoardings that are up everywhere here. “Make your home from home in Spain” They are endorsed by Claire Sweeney...is that important? Why the hell would a photo of some scouse bint make you think “Oh well, if our Claire likes the idea, then its got to be okay , hasn’t it?” Bloody lunacy. But I digress.

What frequently stuns and amuses me, is the Spanish predeliction for shoddy workmanship. Whilst walking around Villajoyosa the other day, I came across this superb bit of quality Mains electricity cabling.(See Picture)

Im sure the guy thought; “Ooh, it’s a bit warm today, I won’t bother sinking that dangerous cable into the brickwork, in fact, I won't even bother to affix it correctly to the wall with cable ties…I’ve got a bit of spare mortar here, I’ll just lob it on, and Jose’s yer uncle!” Fantastic, But not quite as fantastic as the builder who recently ran a rubber gas pipe directly below an (occasionally) red-hot cooker hob. Fortunately the owners discovered it in time.

It makes you wonder how they survived into the 21st century, doesn’t it? If only the Inca’s had known this, they might still be around……

miércoles, 28 de febrero de 2007

Monsieur Fermat and his Theorem

www.goodaboom.com

I know what you're thinking...what on earth has some muso who barely scraped through his Maths CSE got in common with Pierre Fermat. Well, I guess, nothing, save for the fact that Miki is a Mathematician who studied at the elite Fermat centre in Toulouse in addition to being an Artist. However, I liked the idea of him coming up with a theorem that nobody could solve for hundreds of years. I guess I can always admire a smart-arse. So I wrote a little poem about him.



Monsieur Fermat's Theorem

Take my blessed pen and write
In faded figures on the wall
Equation in its purest form
That will explain it all

The beauty of simplicity
In all its eccentricity
As complex as it needs to be
Yet not complex at all

Perfection, Numeration
Pearls of wisdom before swine
An age has tried to solve it
- A Mystery in time

And scholars of the future
May look back and pity them
The one that proved elusive
Monsieur Fermat's theorem.

Kev Moore 2006

Post Script

In a bid to be an even bigger smart-arse than Fermat, Andrew Wiles eventually proved the theorem 357 years after it was first published, in 1995. Spoilsport.

sábado, 24 de febrero de 2007

Leipzig to Dusseldorf

www.goodaboom.com

I thought I had lain the Mighty Pen down for too long, so here's an entry from my archives to set the ball rolling again!

I'm often spirited away from the Sanctuary of Miki and I's Art and Sound studio here in Spain to perform around the world. My travels take me far and wide, and Miki always encourages me to take a notebook to write down anything that might pop into my head, such as "why are they taking my deodorant off me at the airport" and "why would I want to kill anyone with my guitar lead, I'd just buy a garrotte, it's more
effective."




One of my shows last year with BC Sweet was near Colditz castle in what used to be East Germany, and is now, well..erm, east Germany. My promoter had booked my flight back to Spain from Dusseldorf, and so I was deposited on the platfrom at Leipzig Train station and a ticket for the High Speed (ICE)train was thrust into my hand.
The poem that follows is pretty much an account of my journey on that Sunday, May 14th, 2006.

Leipzig to Dusseldorf

Steel Wheels contrive to leave the platform far behind
With world-renowned efficiency, the service leaves on time
Bahnsteigs filled with well-ordered humanity
The train departs - Tranquility

Red brick dream recedes apace
An empty seat, a weary face
Sunlight soaked suburban sprawl
Allotments, gaily coloured all
Lawns tended, Shed's mended, Answered Sunday's call

Conductor's voice intrudes upon
The soundtrack of my day
A litany of towns announced
As we speed on our way

What secret places railway tracks reveal!
The private gardens, perhaps a glimpse to steal?
And now, containered all, proceed to gather pace
As we, across green carpet landscape race

It's cargo of the young, the old
The children brought into the fold
Some on business, some for fun
Some not sure which train they're on!

But all enjoy the scenic views
White fabrik against an azure sky
And do I hear you asking why?
The reason for the journey is the trip itself
And not the destination that you choose

A gash of yellow cuts into the green
The silver ribbon of a stream
That flows beneath this mass of steel
Thrust forward on its many wheels

Relentless, this machinery
Unrivalled in its Majesty
Communes with Nature,
Seemlessly....

A great expanse of countryside
A patchwork quilt of fields abide,
But for a second, replaced at speed
By other sights

The cotton clouds caress the sky
Formless, without symmetry
And as the destination advertised
Rushes to meet our eager eyes

I'm moved to question, yet again
What genius engineered the train?
To take us there and back again
Its form and function definite
And certain to exhilirate!

To bring our loved ones closer, 'til
Its task to make Earth's curve much smaller still
Its part in Global Village played
In face of flight, or car
Its welcome never is outstayed

Romanticism, Glory Days

For surely there's no finer notion
Than the Majesty of Locomotion!

Kev Moore

(dedicated to Miki's Father, who spent a lifetime on French railways, Get well soon!)

martes, 20 de febrero de 2007

Food for thought

www.goodaboom.com

So there I was, waiting for a film to upload onto our site, and I came up with a silly ditty. The last line has to be said with a Yorkshre accent really. In England Fish and Chips are traditionally wrapped in Newspaper, it's just the way it is. I pondered the effect of the world wide web, and the march of technology particularly in the area of news, and wondered what would happen to this quaint old tradition if newspapers were rendered obsolete, so here, with apologies for liberty-taking in the grammar, is a fanciful musing on a possible scenario!






Food for thought.

The tired old man, had a chip shop that he ran
And old newspapers he was wanting really bad.
For fish and chips it's fair to say, battered cod, catch of the day
Would taste delightful wrapped in the newsprint that he had.

But a change was abroad, and technology had scored
Direct hits amongst the populace at large
And news could now be read upon computers in your bed
Without you shelling out the price the Times would charge.

And so a crisis did ensue, with no more papers coming through
The tired old man was swiftly running out of wrapping
But he was canny, never fear, and though the end was drawing near
In chip shop business, he had rarely been caught napping.

“Im up the creek, it's plain to see, and my customers agree
Tradition's over, but Im not quite finished yet
For when I hand them over cod, unwrapped and looking rather odd,
I just smile and tell them Put it internet!”

viernes, 16 de febrero de 2007

The Mysterious Origins of Mildew Bookworm

www.goodaboom.com


A number of our readers have expressed an interest in the life of Mildew Bookworm, the distinguished, if ecccentric narrator of our recent illustrated story, "The Thief of Hearts and the Firecat".

Against my better judgement, I have decided to disclose a little of his strange past.

When Miki and I were wandering through our creative galaxy we happened across the Planet Goodaboom, and liking the look of it, decided to colonise it and claim it as our own. There were several deciding factors. We had discovered from satellite reconnaisance, that there was several years supply of Gummi bears under the Polar Icecaps, and you could send out for Pizza.

These two factors alone rendered Goodaboom eminently suitable for sustaining human life. We set out to explore...Miki constantly snagging her undone laces on the broccoli fields that carpeted the Northern Hemisphere.

We based ourselves on Goodaboom, the lighter gravity allowing our creative thoughts to soar. Paintings, Poems and Songs began to flow forth, littering the area around our base camp with the detritus of our imagination.

It was after a particularly messy day of gouache and funky love songs, that Miki and I fell asleep, half-eaten Pizza in our laps.

I awoke to the sound of huffing and puffing and tutting. I froze. Who was there?
I heard a voice.
" Just look at this mess! I'd have bought a vacuum cleaner if I'd known we were having visitors! No, actually, inadequate..I'd have ordered a skip!"

"Erm.." I began
"Have you got any books?" said the diminutive figure, totally unfazed by our presence.
"Well, I, no..erm, I've written some songs, and Miki here's a painter." I added.
"Painter? Does she write books?" he queried
"Well, I think she may have written one once." I answered, almost apologetically.
"Have you brought it with you?" he pressed on. Frankly, I though his book obsession was wearing a bit thin.

I looked a little more closely..he seemed to have a faded leather bound volume under his arm.
"Is there any more pizza?" mumbled Miki in her sleep.
"Shh!" I admonished. "Is that your book?" I asked him.
He removed his spectacles and his eyes sparkled as he produced the book with a flourish. "Why yes, indeed, the finest volume of work on all of the Planet Goodaboom!" adding, a little sheepishly, "Its, hhmph, the only volume on Goodaboom."
"Ah!" I said, "I understand your desire to seek further volumes."
"Oh, well yes, its my natural literary curiosity you see, but its not a neccesity, this book has an endless supply of stories."
"Well, it looks rather thin, if you don't mind me saying so."
"Mm? well I do mind, thank you very much, and you might as well know, whenever I open its covers, a new tale is waiting for me."
"How..how is that possible?" I stammered.
He plonked himself down cross-legged in front of me and began to poke at Miki with a stick."Its the lichen..look, see? it grows on the pages, mutating and changing the contents of the book. I was once in the book, a character in a story, but I escaped.
My name is Mildew Bookworm." he held out a hand, and as I reached down to shake it, he withdrew it and began to pick his nose, giggling to himself.
Miki rolled over in her sleep "quattro staggione" she mumbled.
"Look," I said, "We've started a website based on your planet, and we're going to need some short stories and the like, can we use some from the book?"
"Of course!" he squealed delightedly, "I'll even narrate some if you want!"
"Great!" I said. "It's a deal"
He jumped to his feet and replaced his spectacles.
"Have you got any books?" he asked again, and vanished.
Miki crawled out of her sleeping bag.
"Did I hear something?" she said, bleary-eyed.
"You're not going to believe this!" I babbled excitedly, "But we've got a new partner!"
"I hope he doesn't want to share my pizza," she retorted, grumpily.

Editors Note: No Broccoli was harmed during the writing of this article.