miércoles, 28 de febrero de 2007

Monsieur Fermat and his Theorem

www.goodaboom.com

I know what you're thinking...what on earth has some muso who barely scraped through his Maths CSE got in common with Pierre Fermat. Well, I guess, nothing, save for the fact that Miki is a Mathematician who studied at the elite Fermat centre in Toulouse in addition to being an Artist. However, I liked the idea of him coming up with a theorem that nobody could solve for hundreds of years. I guess I can always admire a smart-arse. So I wrote a little poem about him.



Monsieur Fermat's Theorem

Take my blessed pen and write
In faded figures on the wall
Equation in its purest form
That will explain it all

The beauty of simplicity
In all its eccentricity
As complex as it needs to be
Yet not complex at all

Perfection, Numeration
Pearls of wisdom before swine
An age has tried to solve it
- A Mystery in time

And scholars of the future
May look back and pity them
The one that proved elusive
Monsieur Fermat's theorem.

Kev Moore 2006

Post Script

In a bid to be an even bigger smart-arse than Fermat, Andrew Wiles eventually proved the theorem 357 years after it was first published, in 1995. Spoilsport.

sábado, 24 de febrero de 2007

Leipzig to Dusseldorf

www.goodaboom.com

I thought I had lain the Mighty Pen down for too long, so here's an entry from my archives to set the ball rolling again!

I'm often spirited away from the Sanctuary of Miki and I's Art and Sound studio here in Spain to perform around the world. My travels take me far and wide, and Miki always encourages me to take a notebook to write down anything that might pop into my head, such as "why are they taking my deodorant off me at the airport" and "why would I want to kill anyone with my guitar lead, I'd just buy a garrotte, it's more
effective."




One of my shows last year with BC Sweet was near Colditz castle in what used to be East Germany, and is now, well..erm, east Germany. My promoter had booked my flight back to Spain from Dusseldorf, and so I was deposited on the platfrom at Leipzig Train station and a ticket for the High Speed (ICE)train was thrust into my hand.
The poem that follows is pretty much an account of my journey on that Sunday, May 14th, 2006.

Leipzig to Dusseldorf

Steel Wheels contrive to leave the platform far behind
With world-renowned efficiency, the service leaves on time
Bahnsteigs filled with well-ordered humanity
The train departs - Tranquility

Red brick dream recedes apace
An empty seat, a weary face
Sunlight soaked suburban sprawl
Allotments, gaily coloured all
Lawns tended, Shed's mended, Answered Sunday's call

Conductor's voice intrudes upon
The soundtrack of my day
A litany of towns announced
As we speed on our way

What secret places railway tracks reveal!
The private gardens, perhaps a glimpse to steal?
And now, containered all, proceed to gather pace
As we, across green carpet landscape race

It's cargo of the young, the old
The children brought into the fold
Some on business, some for fun
Some not sure which train they're on!

But all enjoy the scenic views
White fabrik against an azure sky
And do I hear you asking why?
The reason for the journey is the trip itself
And not the destination that you choose

A gash of yellow cuts into the green
The silver ribbon of a stream
That flows beneath this mass of steel
Thrust forward on its many wheels

Relentless, this machinery
Unrivalled in its Majesty
Communes with Nature,
Seemlessly....

A great expanse of countryside
A patchwork quilt of fields abide,
But for a second, replaced at speed
By other sights

The cotton clouds caress the sky
Formless, without symmetry
And as the destination advertised
Rushes to meet our eager eyes

I'm moved to question, yet again
What genius engineered the train?
To take us there and back again
Its form and function definite
And certain to exhilirate!

To bring our loved ones closer, 'til
Its task to make Earth's curve much smaller still
Its part in Global Village played
In face of flight, or car
Its welcome never is outstayed

Romanticism, Glory Days

For surely there's no finer notion
Than the Majesty of Locomotion!

Kev Moore

(dedicated to Miki's Father, who spent a lifetime on French railways, Get well soon!)

martes, 20 de febrero de 2007

Food for thought

www.goodaboom.com

So there I was, waiting for a film to upload onto our site, and I came up with a silly ditty. The last line has to be said with a Yorkshre accent really. In England Fish and Chips are traditionally wrapped in Newspaper, it's just the way it is. I pondered the effect of the world wide web, and the march of technology particularly in the area of news, and wondered what would happen to this quaint old tradition if newspapers were rendered obsolete, so here, with apologies for liberty-taking in the grammar, is a fanciful musing on a possible scenario!






Food for thought.

The tired old man, had a chip shop that he ran
And old newspapers he was wanting really bad.
For fish and chips it's fair to say, battered cod, catch of the day
Would taste delightful wrapped in the newsprint that he had.

But a change was abroad, and technology had scored
Direct hits amongst the populace at large
And news could now be read upon computers in your bed
Without you shelling out the price the Times would charge.

And so a crisis did ensue, with no more papers coming through
The tired old man was swiftly running out of wrapping
But he was canny, never fear, and though the end was drawing near
In chip shop business, he had rarely been caught napping.

“Im up the creek, it's plain to see, and my customers agree
Tradition's over, but Im not quite finished yet
For when I hand them over cod, unwrapped and looking rather odd,
I just smile and tell them Put it internet!”

viernes, 16 de febrero de 2007

The Mysterious Origins of Mildew Bookworm

www.goodaboom.com


A number of our readers have expressed an interest in the life of Mildew Bookworm, the distinguished, if ecccentric narrator of our recent illustrated story, "The Thief of Hearts and the Firecat".

Against my better judgement, I have decided to disclose a little of his strange past.

When Miki and I were wandering through our creative galaxy we happened across the Planet Goodaboom, and liking the look of it, decided to colonise it and claim it as our own. There were several deciding factors. We had discovered from satellite reconnaisance, that there was several years supply of Gummi bears under the Polar Icecaps, and you could send out for Pizza.

These two factors alone rendered Goodaboom eminently suitable for sustaining human life. We set out to explore...Miki constantly snagging her undone laces on the broccoli fields that carpeted the Northern Hemisphere.

We based ourselves on Goodaboom, the lighter gravity allowing our creative thoughts to soar. Paintings, Poems and Songs began to flow forth, littering the area around our base camp with the detritus of our imagination.

It was after a particularly messy day of gouache and funky love songs, that Miki and I fell asleep, half-eaten Pizza in our laps.

I awoke to the sound of huffing and puffing and tutting. I froze. Who was there?
I heard a voice.
" Just look at this mess! I'd have bought a vacuum cleaner if I'd known we were having visitors! No, actually, inadequate..I'd have ordered a skip!"

"Erm.." I began
"Have you got any books?" said the diminutive figure, totally unfazed by our presence.
"Well, I, no..erm, I've written some songs, and Miki here's a painter." I added.
"Painter? Does she write books?" he queried
"Well, I think she may have written one once." I answered, almost apologetically.
"Have you brought it with you?" he pressed on. Frankly, I though his book obsession was wearing a bit thin.

I looked a little more closely..he seemed to have a faded leather bound volume under his arm.
"Is there any more pizza?" mumbled Miki in her sleep.
"Shh!" I admonished. "Is that your book?" I asked him.
He removed his spectacles and his eyes sparkled as he produced the book with a flourish. "Why yes, indeed, the finest volume of work on all of the Planet Goodaboom!" adding, a little sheepishly, "Its, hhmph, the only volume on Goodaboom."
"Ah!" I said, "I understand your desire to seek further volumes."
"Oh, well yes, its my natural literary curiosity you see, but its not a neccesity, this book has an endless supply of stories."
"Well, it looks rather thin, if you don't mind me saying so."
"Mm? well I do mind, thank you very much, and you might as well know, whenever I open its covers, a new tale is waiting for me."
"How..how is that possible?" I stammered.
He plonked himself down cross-legged in front of me and began to poke at Miki with a stick."Its the lichen..look, see? it grows on the pages, mutating and changing the contents of the book. I was once in the book, a character in a story, but I escaped.
My name is Mildew Bookworm." he held out a hand, and as I reached down to shake it, he withdrew it and began to pick his nose, giggling to himself.
Miki rolled over in her sleep "quattro staggione" she mumbled.
"Look," I said, "We've started a website based on your planet, and we're going to need some short stories and the like, can we use some from the book?"
"Of course!" he squealed delightedly, "I'll even narrate some if you want!"
"Great!" I said. "It's a deal"
He jumped to his feet and replaced his spectacles.
"Have you got any books?" he asked again, and vanished.
Miki crawled out of her sleeping bag.
"Did I hear something?" she said, bleary-eyed.
"You're not going to believe this!" I babbled excitedly, "But we've got a new partner!"
"I hope he doesn't want to share my pizza," she retorted, grumpily.

Editors Note: No Broccoli was harmed during the writing of this article.

lunes, 12 de febrero de 2007

The Little Boy and The Golden Thread

www.goodaboom.com

I seem to have posted a fair old amount of "rant-driven" articles here of late, so, in keeping with my original intention of filling the Mighty Pen with an eclectic mix of writings, I present here a short story, that popped into my head last night. I narrated it to Miki as I though of it, so it is, almost without revision, a stream-of-consciousness attempt. Enjoy!

The Little Boy and the Golden Thread




The boy tossed and turned in his featherbed, the wind that blew outside scraping the branches of the tree against his window like brittle fingers.
He was Five years old, and had never slept a night. Arriving at the breakfast table, bleary-eyed, the following morning, his mother looked at him with despair.
“Son, you must learn to sleep, for a third of your live is given to sleep, and if you waste it, your life will end all too soon!” she exclaimed
The boy looked up at her with large brown eyes, imploring.
“But mama, I don’t know how!” A tear began a slow journey down his cheek.
His mother turned away, stifling a sob.

That night, as he climbed into bed, the boy resolved to seek an answer to his problem.
When all the lights were out, he quickly dressed, unfastened his window, climbed down the tree and ran out into the night, taking a jam sandwich.

He walked for many days, and then hid on a train to London, jumping off in the countryside before it reached the big city. He stuck his nose in the air, and smelled the sea, setting off in its direction. Nobody saw him, for he was only five years old, and very small. By this time he had very little left of his jam sandwich, and was very hungry. He was beginning to feel a little upset when; all of a sudden he caught sight of a tall ship in the harbour. He was by the sea!

He climbed aboard, unseen, and hid in the bottom, with the rats, who were a friendly sort.
One in particular was very talkative, and asked the boy the purpose of his journey.
“I want to know how to sleep, I have never slept one night of my short life, and I am losing precious time!” he said.
The rat, offering the boy a tasty morsel of rotten cabbage, leaned a little closer and whispered, conspiratorially, “Then you have a long journey indeed! You must take this ship to the end of the world, then make your way to the Temple on the Sacred Mountain, where the answer to your problem lies.”
“How can you know this?” asked the boy, in wonder.
“Oh, I travel” sniffed the rat, disdainfully.

So the boy stayed on the ship for many months and the months turned into years, and eventually, the ship made landfall at the end of the world. He slipped ashore unseen, having bade farewell to the rats, and began to walk to the Sacred Mountain.
He walked.
And he walked.
And he walked some more.
He walked for ten years, and curiously, even though he had journeyed many years at sea, and many years on foot, he was still a little five year old boy.
And all at once he was at the foot of the most beautiful mountain he had ever seen. He knew this to be a certain fact, for it was the only mountain he had ever seen.
There was a seemingly endless flight of steps cut into the very rock, curving, up, up so far that he had to squint to see how high they went, and as his eyes followed this stone staircase, he lost sight of it in the clouds. With a sigh, he began his ascent.
Many days passed, and the little boy, one foot in front of the other, climbed higher and higher. Lush green grass gave way to scrub and rock, which in turn became wreathed in snow and ice. The little boy became quite chilly, as he was only wearing his pyjamas.
Eventually, after some months, and just before breakfast, he arrived at a huge wooden doorway, with a big bronze knocker. He reached up…he could not reach high enough.
He tried knocking with his tiny fists on the wood, but they hardly made a sound. Reluctantly, he turned around and headed back down the Sacred Mountain.
Some months later he reached the bottom and peered through the door of a small cottage by the side of the road.
“Can I help you?” said a voice from within
“Yes, if you please” said the boy, “Do you have a stool I could borrow?”
“Why certainly!” came the reply. All at once a man as big as an elephant appeared in the doorway. “You may take this one” he said, gesturing to a small red stool by the fireplace.
“I’m afraid I have an over fondness for toasted marshmallows, and I have been sitting by the fire for twenty years eating them, which accounts for my unusual size, and the inadequacy of the stool I now give you.”
The man handed him the stool.
“The marshmallows smell good!” said the boy “Can I have one?”
“Don’t be greedy!” exclaimed the man, and slammed the door.
The boy set out upon the great stone staircase once again through grasslands, rock, and ice and snow, and the soft caress of the great white clouds, clutching the small red stool.
Some months later, he reached the vast wooden doorway once more. Carefully, he placed the stool below the door knocker, and climbed upon it. He reached up on tiptoe…not..quite…there. He stretched his fingers as far as he could, which wasn’t very far, because if you have seen a little five year old boys fingers you will know that they are very short indeed…his fingers brushed against the metal. The boy frowned. He jumped down from the stool, and made his way down into the clouds on the great stone staircase.

Some months later, he arrived at the door of the cottage.
“Come in” mumbled the man, between marshmallow mouthfuls “I can’t get up, I’ve become wedged in my armchair due to my continuing over fondness for these tasty toasted treats” he said, by way of explanation.
“Why don’t you eat less?” asked the little boy, innocently.
“Don’t be impertinent!” harrumphed the man.
“I wonder if you have a large book I could borrow?” continued the boy.
“Well, of course, as I cannot reach my shelves anymore, are you looking for anything in particular?” asked the man.
“Well, it’s got to be thick.” said the little boy.
“Oh! But this is no criteria for choosing a book, lad!” exclaimed the man, worrying a particularly troublesome piece of marshmallow from between his teeth.
“You need something full of knowledge and wisdom, to improve your lot in the world, and by happy coincidence, my encyclopaedia is both informative and thick, so both your needs will be fulfilled, close the door on your way out.” said the man, his fat fingers manoeuvring another marshmallow onto the end of his toasting fork.

The little boy considered taking a marshmallow with him, but didn’t like the idea of ending up wriggling on the end of a toasting fork, so tucking the encyclopaedia under his arm, he once again mounted the stone steps, through the lush pastures, the rock, and the clouds, emerging into the sunlight by the giant doors. He brushed a layer of snow and ice from the stool, for he had been gone many months. Carefully, he placed the encyclopaedia on top, and climbed up. On tiptoes…stretching his fingers…until they curled around the metal ring of the knocker, he pulled it out and let it fall, one, two, three times, the sound vibrated around the mountain top and deep within the temple.

A tall, thin man answered the door. He welcomed the little boy inside. He was so thin, that as he turned away into the great hall, he almost disappeared completely. The little boy couldn’t help thinking that he should eat some toasted marshmallows.
Wordlessly, he led the little boy through a succession of halls, with glittering ceilings rising high above them in silver and gold.
The boy was enchanted.
“How do you clean them?” he asked.
“The ceilings come to us.” answered the thin man, mysteriously.

All at once they entered a vast mirrored ballroom, which seemed full to overflowing with Golden thread, and in the midst of it sat an old, old woman at a Spinning wheel, working patiently, steadily. The boy let his gaze wander up the thread, and saw that it emerged from a magnificent golden spider, perched high in the roof space.
“Come here boy.” called the old woman.
The boy approached, picking his way through the golden thread.
“Can you help me sleep?” said the little boy.
“That I can.”said the old woman. “though the remedy is painful.”
The little boy took a deep breath and said;
“Then please, tell me how.”
The old woman motioned for the boy to sit on her lap, and from her pinafore she took a wickedly sharp silver needle, which she threaded with expert ease. Gold thread shimmering in the light.
“I will sew this golden thread into your eyelids, and, in time, with the gold in them weighing them down, they will become heavy and close, and sleep will beckon.”
Then, quick as a flash, her fingers went to work, and the little boy’s screams echoed across the mountains.

A world away, his mother woke to the sound, and she leapt from her bed, in the grip of fear. She ran into the little boy’s room.
“My son, are you all right?” she cried.
The little boy was sat up, in his bed.
“Mama, my eyes are so heavy, I cannot keep them open. She looked down at his flickering eyelids and gasped as she caught a glimpse of gold running across each one.
“Mama, I shall not wake from this sleep, for they are too heavy to ever open again.”
His mother held her hands to her mouth in horror.
“But my son, you are but five years upon this earth!”
“Do not weep, Mama,” said the boy, “for I have seen such wonders, and have lived a life of four score years in the blink of an eye. It is not the destination, but the journey, and the journey is life.”
And with that, the little boy’s eyes that weighed so heavy closed for the last time, and the branches scratched forlornly at the window.


THE END

domingo, 11 de febrero de 2007

Look, Why is the arc of creativity disproportionate to success?

www.goodaboom.com
The music industry has, quite clearly, lost its way as we delve deeper into the 21st Century. The public, force-fed a diet of Soap-opera schooled second rate singers and exploitative talent show wannabes would not know a true Superstar now if one came along and bit them in the ass. You can't blame them. How could you be blamed for loving an abacus if you'd never been shown a computer? The indoctrination of the masses by means of the dreaded playlist has presented us with a fait accompli - namely the "dumbing down" of our pop and rock culture, Radio and TV becoming a slave to the lowest common denominator.

How is our young generation going to be inspired? Musicians are no longer the icons. It is now the vacuous footballer, deemed "intelligent" if they can string two words together. Worse still, the cult of the non-celebrity. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...Jade Goody. I have one question, in the name of god, why?

The problem with being fed a diet of vapid, talentless individuals, used as vehicles for soulless, factory farmed songs lining the pockets of a few individuals, (yes, Im talking about you, Simon "I gave the world Mr. Blobby" Cowell, see picture for the full horror, and remember, this latex creature got to NUMBER ONE)

is that no-one has any aspirations to be anything anymore. They don't want to achieve anything, they just want to be famous. "Hey I'll show my arse in the jungle and eat a kangaroo testicle! just get me on the telly" is the baying hordes rejoinder. A generation of children are saddled with the names Kylie and Jason. Australian soap actors dominated our music charts in the 80's. Doesn't it make you want to weep? The country that gave the world Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles The Stones...you can't hear this stuff on the radio, but you can hear the bloody woolpackers from Emmerdale Farm. God help us all. So, in a small way, to redress the balance, here's a few names for you, not so new, some quite old, but, if you care about quality music, and people who make it for the love of making a good record, look up a few of these.


Glenn Hughes, Trapeze, Jess Roden (see picture), Owsley, Dan Reed Network(see picture),


Mothers Finest, Jellyfish, Francis Dunnery, It Bites, Aimee Mann, Kip Winger, India Arie. Its out there, you just have to look. Don't be a slave to the rhythm of your radio.

sábado, 3 de febrero de 2007

Rant Number Three


www.goodaboom.com


So,the last of my series of Rants for the time being.(do I hear your collective sigh of relief?)
As with the previous ones, I must state the use of expeletives, whilst appearing gratuitous, are in fact necessary to conjure the image I wish to create, but, as before, asterisks protect the innocent!
Today's subject is the curious phenomenon of the cut-price German owned supermarkets.
Before you read on, you should know that I use them regularly, but in this age of snob-value and oneupmanship, Aldi and Lidl have become the new Four-letter words!

LIDL DREAMS

They come
In their hundreds
Devoid of any class
This blistered Brit menagerie
Like flies round a cow's arse

In search of bargains
Big and small
A Fortune spent
On sweet f**k-all

And hide it all in Harrods bags
The Sharon/Tracey Uberslags
A wardrobe for a tenner seen
Of thrown-together melamine
Built in a sweat-shop in Mumbai
Or by a persecuted Thai

They hoover up this sh*t they see
It's plainly stuff that they don't need
But christ! so cheap it's almost free
This council-house mentality

Some Spanish plonk for bottom dollar
Hey, f**k the home, let's live in squalor!
While all around the bilboards scream
Surrender to your Lidl dreams.

by Kev Moore 01/06/06

viernes, 2 de febrero de 2007

Rant Number Two

www.goodaboom.com

So, dear readers, the second of my "rant" poems for you today. This one was inspired by the quite breathtaking lack of courtesy and observance of the law with regards to driving and parking here in this part of Spain. People think nothing of getting out of the car as soon as its within spitting distance of their destination, no matter that it is either a) blocking a driveway, b) on a yellow line or c) crushing a hapless pedestrian. And apparently the phrase "give way" means "drive forward as fast as you possibly can and the guy with the right of way may brake in time instead of disappearing up your jacksy"

So, here it is for your delectation, a jolly ditty entitled:

CAR WARS

I'm sorry, did I breathe your air?
You confuse me with someone who cares
perdun I nicked your parking space
Now, can you get out of my face?
Apologies, I drove out first
And prompted you to shout and curse
Now, normally, forgive, forget
Are words by which my mind is set
But if, on this occasion you assume
I'm predisposed to be quite kind
It's my pleasure to inform you
Indeed, my duty now to warn you
You are completely out of
Your tiny f***ing mind.

by Kev Moore 01/06/06



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